Last year, I shared with a friend about how I had reached the darkest place in my life in 2009 as I struggled with my dad’s suicide that had happened some 30 years earlier. He interrupted me at one point and said “But it appeared you had everything.” At that point, I realized just how much of a fraud I had been. It was in 2009 that I thought I had it all and that I had reached the mountain top of success in my life – I was making great money, had an unlimited entertainment expense account, travelled all over the US, dined at the most expensive restaurants, had a new house, a company car, and a beautiful family. I tried my hardest to fill the pain of being fatherless with all the things a man can come up with to temporarily make myself feel better. And that was just it, all of those things were just a temporary fix. It was only when God showed me forgiveness for my dad that I was able to find peace and my identity as a beloved son of God. And when you have that as a man, there is no need for all the junk the world has to offer. For 30 years, I had tried to build this false persona of who I wanted people to believe that I was. Looking back, it would have been so much easier just to be myself.
