One Simple Question That Changed My Life

It was about 5 years ago and I was playing golf with a friend of mine.  I was telling him about some of the struggles that I was having at that time in my life and he said, “John, you grew up without a dad, right?”  I replied, “Yes, I did, but I have an amazing mom”.  And I went on to give him a 10 minute explanation about how my mom is the most incredible mother a boy could ever ask for.  Once I stopped, he said, “But was she a dad?”  It was a very simple question and yet it had an impact that I never expected.  It was as if he had hit me across the head with a two by four.  I remember just standing there in the middle of the fairway, as if time stood still, thinking about the question.  For the first time in my life, I realized that even though I had the most amazing mom in the world, she could not be a dad.  And, most importantly, what I soon came to understand was that a mother cannot replace a father and the influence that a father has on a young man growing up.  My friend introduced to me to the term Father Wound and he went on to explain how a Father Wound can happen in many ways.  For example, it can be a father never saying I love you, a father verbally or physically abusing a child, or the most common one which is an absent father, a father who is never around or wanting to spend time with his children.  My father committed suicide when I was eleven years old and I had no idea the impact that act would have on the rest of my life, especially as an adult.  Because I didn’t have a father growing up and showing me how to act as a young man, I bought into all that the world tells us we need to have and be as men.  The world convinces men that we need money, power, alcohol, a great job title, a big house and a nice car, just to name a few.  Fortunately, about two years ago, I decided it was time to take a step toward God and the healing that He longed for me to have.  God showed me how to forgive my father for what he had done and He gave me a new perspective on life, my wife, and my kids.  He gave me a peace and hope like I never imagined.  If you have a father wound, He wants to do the same for you.  But you have to take a step.

And Jesus said, “I will never leave you.  I will never forsake you.”  Hebrews 13:5